So I didn't get another post about my queer identities before the end of pride month, but that's fine, because here comes another pride month: disability pride month.
I find a lot fewer people know about disability pride month than about gay pride month, which is sad. Because while not everyone is queer, everyone will eventually be disabled.
Time takes its toll on people. As we age, our bodies do kind of break down: vision goes; walking gets harder; hearing goes; our minds go. I've had three grandparents whose minds have gone by now, and it's scary and hard. Alzheimer's and dementia are horrible to experience for outsiders; I can't imagine they're very pleasant for those experiencing them.
So: everyone will eventually be disabled. But lots of people are disabled in their youths, for one reason or another. You might be thinking of someone you know who is in a wheelchair at least part time, or the fact people need the motorized carts at stores. But there are lots of invisible disabilities, too.
Disabilities can be both physical and mental. Some physical disabilities are things like cerebral palsy, lupus, fibromyalgia, blindness, quadriplegia, and many, many more. Mental disabilities are along the lines of Autism (although not every Autistic person considers it disabling), chronic depression and chronic anxiety, dyspraxia, discalculia, dyslexia, and many more. All a disability has to do is make life harder for someone.
Before we get into my disabilities, let's talk about the history of this pride month.
Disability pride month started as pride day, back in 1990. On July 26th of that year, President George H.W. Bush signed the Americans with Disability Act into law. The disabled community celebrated. Since 2004, the month has been celebrated with parades throughout different cities.
I can't talk much about other countries, but here in the U.S. there are parades throughout the country in honor of people with disabilities. In 2015, New York Mayor Bill de Blasio officially recognized the month in honor of the ADA's 25th anniversary, and several other states have officially acknowledged it as well (although I can't find a list of them, because of course.)
The current flag for disability pride is over on the left. Designed by Ann Magill, also known as capricorn-0mnikorn on tumblr, it was originally brighter in color and had a zig-zag pattern to represent overcoming obstacles. However, that caused seizures and other issues for those with vision problems. The current flag still causes eyestrain, but has not been reported to cause anything beyond that eyestrain.
The faded black background represents, as quoted by Magill, "the anger and mourning over the eugenics and the neglect that disabled people have to fight against." Red is for physical disabiltiies; gold is for neurodiversity; white is for invisible disabilities and disabilities that haven't yet been diagnosed; blue stands for emotional and psychiatric disabilties; and green is for sensory disabilities (deafness, blindness, lack of smell, lack of taste, audio processing disorder, etc).
Roughly one in four Americans (27%) currently live with a disability. 15% of the world have a disability (that's roughly a sixth). Disability is something that's very universal and very common. It can also be scary, upsetting, aggravating, agonizing, painful, irritating, frustrating, overwhelming, and just plain boring. People feel differently about their disabilities depending on the day, depending on their energy, depending on whether or not things are accessible.
Disability pride month isn't about erasing the struggles disabled people face. It's about accepting your limits. It's about accepting your body. It's about knowing that disability isn't a bad word and you're equal to anyone who isn't disabled.
My identities, in terms of disability, cross both physical and mental spheres. I have chronic fatigue syndrome, also known as myalgic encephalomyelitis. This is an invisible illness that I like to summarize as "basically, I'm tired and in pain all the time." It's a lot more than that. It means brain fog; it means randomly collapsing or passing out; it means some days I'm not getting out of bed no matter how much I want to. It's very frustrating.
I also have type two diabetes. As long as I take my meds and manage my diet, this one isn't bad. Thanks to the advances of modern medicine, so long as I stay in control with it, I'll be able to live a long and healthy life. The difficulty, of course, is staying in control. Sleep apnea is another one that isn't too bad, although at the moment it makes it really hard to sleep. I'm not having a fun time with the CPAP, you see; it keeps me awake and I sleep worse with it than without it.
Outside of the physical, I have chronic depression and chronic anxiety. I've known about these most of my life, longer than any of my other disabilities. While I've had symptoms of CFS/ME and Autism my entire life, it was these two that were first diagnosed. They weren't misdiagnoses, either; my brain chemistry is fundamentally different. At this point, I'm pretty sure I don't produce dopamine without my medication, because wow am I sad all of the time.
I also have complex post-traumatic stress disorder. Like PTSD, cPTSD comes from traumatic events. Unlike PTSD, its complex variant comes from repeated and sustained trauma over a long period of time. It's less "post-traumatic" and more "ongoing trauma". cPTSD has most of the same symptoms, but is harder to treat than regular PTSD.
Finally, I'm Autistic. This is the one disability that I can truly take pride in. Yes, I have struggles with it, but there's also unabashedly good things. When I get into a flow and hyperfocus on something for hours, even though afterwards I'm a mess, the ongoing focus is intensely enjoyable. It also means my emotions are felt physically, all throughout my body. While it's not fun to express sadness that burns and forces me to move and makes me ache inside and out, happiness that causes me to bounce and flap my hands and smile and laugh and sing is all-encompassing and wonderful. I'm also good at small details and pattern recognition. My sensory sensitivies suck with everywhere surrounded in flourescent lights and so many beeping noises, but goodness me I love music I can feel in my bones and I could touch a Good Texture for hours and feel delighted every time.
Oh. Very importantly:
I think it's important to recognize here that Autism is something of a microcosm of disability. The same way there isn't "more Autistic" and "less Autistic", there isn't "more disabled" and "less disabled". It's all just disabled, with different challenges and strengths.
I think I've made my points, as well as shared some of my identities with anyone who might read this. I feel like it's important to acknowledge that, as hard as it can be to be disabled, disability is not an evil, bad thing. It just is. Being disabled is as much 'me' as being queer is, or the fact I have blond hair, or am 5'7". There's no judgment call in being disabled.
You just are. And chances are, you'll eventually be disabled even if you aren't right now, either temporarily or until the end of your life. Disability is an unavoidable part of aging and of life, and there is nothing wrong with that.
I'm still probably going to post about my queer identities, so look forward to that, I guess? For now, do your best to support disabled people in your life. And, if you yourself are disabled - do something special for yourself this month. You deserve it.